Dao gives life, love and freedom - The Parenting Model - DaiDeJing 51

The most amazing about Dao is giving birth, caring till maturity and freely let go. It is the model for parenting. Read the details in DaoDeJing 51.

DaoDeJing Chapter 51 Text and Translation

1 道生之，德蓄之，物形之，势成之。

The Dao gives birth to it (giving it life). Virtues build it up. Materials form their shape. The energy completes it.

2 是以万物莫不遵道而贵德。

Hence, all things respect Dao and honor virtues.

3 道之生，德之贵，夫莫之命而常自然。

The birth/creation of Dao, and the values of virtues, are all being followed naturally.

4 故道生之，德蓄之，长之育之，亭之毒之，养之覆之。

Hence Dao gives its birth, and virtues develop it. Feed it, teach it, mature it, give it the right values, care and protect it.

5 生而弗有，为而弗恃，长而弗宰，是谓玄德。

Giving birth and yet don't own it. Helping and enabling it yet not expecting rewards. Grow it yet not control it. Such is called the profound virtues.

What is parenting? What are the responsibilities?

Lao Zi tells us parenting is more than just giving birth. In verse 1, he gives the four responsibilities:

1.  Giving birth
2. Teaching them to accumulate the right values.
3. Shaping its physical forms - enabling it to grow up to take shape
4. Empowering it.

In verse 4, it expounds the 4 things further into birth, development with the right values, enabling it to grow up, teaching him, getting him to stand up independently, teaching him to decide right and wrong, feeding him, and protecting him. We can see the great responsibility of parents is to help their children to grow up to be independent and know right and wrong, so that they can make the right decisions for life. But Lao Zi says this is not enough, there is still one more step.

The Final Step - Letting Them Go 

Verse 5 tells us what is letting go. Even though the parents give birth to their children, they are not the owners of their children. They are just custodians until they grow up. Parents are not to hold on tightly to their children. There is a time to let them go. Parents cannot control their children. They have to let them make their own decisions. Own not, hold not, and control not represent letting the grown-up children go and give them their freedom to run their own lives.

Business is like that too.

Many businesses cannot grow and some even close down because their founders refuse to let go of the control of the business. The founders should train their successors and then let them run the business step by step. If there is anything to hold on to, it will be the foundation values of Dao and lives that the parents and owners have to remind their successors to stick to them for their own good.

Lim Liat (c) 14 Nov 2016