Strong Nation, Great Man, Wise Wife, and True Love

From my blog reproduced here https://bvotech.com/blog/strong-nation-great-man-wise-wife-and-true-love/ with some corrections..."Strong Nation, Great Man, Wise Wife, and True Love".

Reflection on the Passing of Our Founding Father Lee Kuan Yew

I think the best tribute to show our appreciation and respect for our founding father is to follow his example, and continue to build and grow upon this foundation that he has laid for us. Here are a few key things that I can learn and do —- pursue wisdom and righteousness, be bold to do them and stick to them, willing to take advice and be corrected especially to share and listen to your wife and love your wife truly.

During this period of mourning for our nation's founding father Lee Kuan Yew, every one of us, in our own, even little, ways wish to express our appreciation and respect for the man who has impacted our lives much.  There was this artist Ong Yi Tech who painted a portrait of Lee Kuan Yew by writing his name! See Lee Kuan Yew is a ‘legend’: Man behind the viral portrait.  Since my interests are in Chinese Philosophies and their applications in modern management (see Ancient Chinese Wisdom), I shall show my respect and appreciation from such a viewpoint.

The Life of a Great Man is much Longer than his Age
Lao Zi’s DaoDeJing Chapter 33 verse 4 has a saying: (for more see The Principles for Greatness)

• Not losing oneself will last. 不失其所者久，
• Died and yet one’s legacy continues is long life. 死而不亡者寿。

While our founding father may have passed away, his legacies and his influence will continue on through many generations after. He will always be remembered as the founding father of Singapore. He and his team will always be cited as examples for all to follow. Legacies come from sticking to one’s values and mission. Despite the difficulties, and the risks, and against all odds, under his leadership, Singapore succeeded. There are many great things that he did and many people will write about that. One particular and vital key to his success was the support of his extremely wise and talented wife and their true love for each other. See The Lee Kuan Yew And Kwa Geok Choo Love Story … The post has the title “Behind every successful man there stands a woman“.

While not many will be as wise and great as Mr. Lee, there are simple lessons that we can learn from him and apply to our own lives and make whatever small contributions that we can. Chinese has a proverb “勿以恶小而为之，勿以善小而不为。 –《三国志·蜀书·先主传》”
Do not do something because the harm/evil is small nor
fail to do something because the benefits are little.

There are four lessons for us:

1. pursue wisdom and stick to righteous values.
2. be bold to execute and realize one’s dreams despite the challenges.
3. be ever ready to seek and listen to advice, especially one’s wife.
4. love one’s wife truly.

In my study of China's history, one particular emperor and his wife had a similar story to tell. It confirms the applicability of the above lessons. It is the story of Emperor Tang TaiZong 唐太宗 and his wife Queen ZhangSun 长孙皇后。

Emperor Tang TaiZong Li ShiMin 唐太宗 李世民 and his wife Queen ZhangSun 长孙皇后

While Tang TaiZong was the 2nd emperor of the Tang Dynasty 唐朝, he was actually the son who encouraged his father to rebel against the oppressive Sui Emperor. He was the one who planned, fought, and won the many battles that established the Tang Dynasty.  He was one of the few emperors who founded and then ran the kingdom well. The period under his rule, popularly known as, 贞观之治, is one of the most powerful, prosperous, and peaceful periods in China's History.  China towns in many countries are called Tang Ren Jie 唐人街 Streets of the Tang’s people.  We can see the success and influence of Tang. Tang dynasty with 291 years was also one of the longer-lasting dynasties of China. It was also the period where women had the most freedom and were most well-educated.  The only Empress in China, Empress Wu, was in this period.  One of the key contributors to Tang TaiZong's success was his wife ZhangSun.

Queen ZhangSun was one of the best queens in Ancient China. She was well-educated and married at 13 years old to Li ShiMin who was 16 then. This was before they started the rebellion against the Sui Emperor. So, we know that ZhangSun took good care of and encouraged Li ShiMin in the challenging times of war to establish the Tang Dynasty. ZhangSun later helped ShiMin to overcome the murderous attempts of his brothers to become the 2nd Emperor of Tang. Even after she became queen, she still stuck to being frugal and loving. She refused to meddle in the political affairs of the country even though her husband has often consulted her. Her advice to the Emperor is:

• “居安思危，任贤纳谏而已，其它妾就不了解了。”
• When living in security, think about the probable dangers.
  Appoint the talented and listen to criticisms.
  I do not understand other things at all.

Once, the Emperor was very angry about his officer stopping him from hunting in the spring season because it was the period for animals mating and feeding the babies, ZhangSun got her ladies all dressed up in official ceremony dresses to congratulate the Emperor. The Emperor was surprised and asked why. She said that she heard that only the wise and good king can have his officers who dare to advise him. Now that there is an officer who did that, it shows that he was a wise king indeed. That made the Emperor very happy.

Her son complained to his nanny that he did not have enough things to enjoy. ZhangSun said, “为太子，患在德不立，名不扬，何患无器用邪！ As a prince, the concern is about not having the right virtues, not being well-regarded, why care about not having enough things to enjoy?”. She rejected the request.

Her love for ShiMin was seen with her care for ShiMin and readiness to die with him. ShiMin was sick for a long period of time and she stayed with him day and night. She carried with her a bag of poison all the time. She was prepared to take the poison once ShiMin died! (上得疾，累年不愈，后侍奉，昼夜不离侧。常系毒药于衣带，曰：“若有不讳，义不独生。”)

On her deathbed, she requested the Emperor to give her a simple funeral and not to waste money on building a great grave. She said she did not contribute anything in her life and should at least not harm people in her death. She reminded the Emperor to be close to the good man, distance himself from the villain, accept corrections, reject gossip, not labor with the people, and stop traveling & hunting for pleasures (妾生无益于人，不可以死害人，愿勿以丘垄劳费天下，但因山为坟，器用瓦木而已。仍愿陛下亲君子，远小人，纳忠谏，屏谗慝，省作役，止游畋，妾虽没于九泉，诚无所恨！ 儿女辈不必令来，见其悲哀，徒乱人意。” – 资治通鉴).

The sad thing was that ZhangSun did not live long. She died in the 10th year of the reign of ShiMin at the young age of 36! Li Shin Min was very blessed to find another young, brilliant, and righteous lady XuHui 徐惠妃. Like ZhangSun, she was able to remind and advise ShiMin not to waste resources on fighting wars and building palaces. Her famous words to ShiMin were “故有道之君，以逸逸人.

无道之君，以乐乐身. A Good King ensures his people live in comfort but a bad king only selfishly enjoys himself (at the expense of his people)”. XuHui loved ShiMin so much that when ShiMin died, she fell ill and refused the medicines offered. She died as she wished one year later at the young age of 24! It goes without saying that we are truly touched by these loving relationships.

Strong Nation, Great Leader, and Loving & Wise Wife
A Strong and prosperous nation is built by a great leader. A great leader has a wise and loving wife. He loves and appreciates his wife's advice and corrections if any. Let me end with a quote from Mr Lee on marriages:

• “We have never allowed the other to feel abandoned and alone in any moment of crisis. Quite the contrary, we have faced all major crises in our lives together, sharing our fears and hopes, and our subsequent grief and exultation. These moments of crisis have bonded us closer together. With the years, the number of specialties which we two have shared have increased.”

Let's Do Our Part:
I think the best tribute to show our appreciation and respect for our founding fathers is to follow his example and continue to build and grow upon this foundation that he has laid for us. Let every one of us contribute in whatever small way that we can towards the continued growth and well-being of Singapore and our fellow men and women.

I shall offer an amended wording as follows:
“behind every great man is a wise woman who loves him much and who he appreciates and listens to”.

May the legacies and the contributions of our founding father Lee Kuan Yew continue through all generations.

Lim Liat (c) 23 March 2015

Learning from Viktor E. Frankl “Man's Search For Meaning”

All + All -

Learning from Viktor E. Frankl “Man's Search For Meaning”

读书领悟：

维克托·弗兰克尔

“人的搜寻生命的意义”

• + - 1 Choose your Response & Not react with your Dino- Brain

  主动选择反应

  • The one thing you can't take away from me is the way I choose to respond to what you do to me. The last of one's freedoms is to choose one's attitude in any given circumstance.

    你无法夺走我唯一的东西是“我选择如何回应你对我的方式”。一个人最后的自由是在任何情境中所选择的态度。

• + - 2 Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional

  痛苦难免 煎熬可免

  • Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.

    生活从未因环境而变得难以忍受，而仅仅是因为缺乏意义和目的。

    所以有人说 “痛苦是不可避免的，但受苦是可选择的”

• + - 3 Find the Meaning

  寻找生命的意义

  • In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.

    在某种程度上，苦难在找到意义的瞬间就不再是苦难，比如牺牲的意义。

  • There is much wisdom in the words of Nietzsche: "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how”

    在尼采的话语中有很多智慧：“有了为何而活的目标，几乎可以承受任何遭遇。”

• + - 4 Change Our Attitude

  改变态度和观点

  • + - “When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”

    “当我们无法再改变一种境况时，我们就被挑战去改变自己。”

    • As A Man Thinketh.mm
• + - 5 Discover Your Life's Purpose

  发掘个人的意义

  • “Ultimately, man should not ask what the meaning of his life is, but rather must recognize that it is he who is asked. In a word, each man is questioned by life; and he can only answer to life by answering for his own life; to life he can only respond by being responsible.”

    “最终，人不应该问他的生命有什么意义，而是必须认识到被问的是他。总的来说，每个人都受到生命的询问；他只能通过对自己的生命负责来回答生命；他只能通过对他自己的生命负责来回应生命。”

• + - 6 Learn from Past Mistakes

  不再犯同样的错

  • “Live as if you were living for the second time and had acted as wrongly the first time as you are about to act now.”

    Live as if you are experiencing life for the second time, having learned from the mistakes of your first attempt, and apply that wisdom to your present actions.

    活得好像你在第二次经历生命，就像你在第一次行动时犯了错误一样，而你现在正准备采取的行动。

• + - 7 Paradox of Happiness

  快乐和成功的矛盾

  • Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.

    幸福不能追求；它必须随之而来。

  • “When a person can't find a deep sense of meaning, they distract themselves with pleasure.”

    “当一个人找不到深刻的意义时，他们用享乐分散自己。”

  • “Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it”

    “不要追求成功。你越是以它为目标并追求它，你就越会错过它。因为成功，就像幸福一样，不能被追求；它必须随之而来，并且只有作为个人奉献于比自己更伟大的事业的意外副作用，或者作为对比自己更重要的人的屈服的副产品才会发生。幸福必须发生，同样也适用于成功：你必须放手，不去在意它。我希望你听从你的良心命令你做的事情，并且努力去完成你所知道的最好。然后你会活着看到，从长远来看，成功会跟随你，因为你已经忘记去思考它。”

  • + - Find Your Baloon:
    • A teacher gave a balloon to every student, who had to inflate it, write their name on it and throw it in the hallway. The teacher then mixed all the balloons. The students were then given 5 minutes to find their own balloon. Despite a hectic search, no one found their balloon.
    • At that point, the teacher told the students to take the first balloon that they found and hand it to the person whose name was written on it. Within 5 minutes, everyone had their own balloon.
    • The teacher said to the students: "These balloons are like happiness. We will never find it if everyone is looking for their own. But if we care about other people's happiness, we'll find ours too."
    • May your day be filled with happiness. ❤️
• + - 8 Use the Time Well

  充分利用时光

  • “The pessimist resembles a man who observes with fear and sadness that his wall calendar, from which he daily tears a sheet, grows thinner with each passing day. On the other hand, the person who attacks the problems of life actively is like a man who removes each successive leaf from his calendar and files it neatly and carefully away with its predecessors, after first having jotted down a few diary notes on the back. He can reflect with pride and joy on all the richness set down in these notes, on all the life he has already lived to the fullest.”

    “悲观主义者类似于一个观察到自己的壁挂日历日益减薄的人，他每天撕下一张，随着日子的推移，日历变得越来越薄。另一方面，积极面对生活问题的人就像一个将日历的每一页都精心整理并小心翼翼地存档的人，事先在背面记下了一些日记笔记。他可以自豪而欣喜地反思这些笔记中记录的所有丰富经历，反思他已经充分活过的生命。”