21 March 2012

Relationship Building According to I-Ching

How to build successful and long term relationship is taught by iChing with the following 7 Steps, each step represented by a Hexagram. It begins with personal integrity, meeting and selecting the right person, engaging not just the mind but also with the emotions, engaging according to complementary roles, building high performance team, having a harmonious family-type relationship and finally a blissful long-term oneness.

Many people are overwhelmed by i-Ching 64 hexagrams. Without a good understanding, they resort to lot-casting to get a forecast for their future and to get some guidance. That is not the right way to use the wisdom of i-Ching. For the right way see The Right Way to Consult I-Ching.

In this post, we shall be talking about "Relationship Building". You can get the full categorization of iChing 64 hexagrams at The Right Way to Consult I-Ching. I just pick up the group "Relationship" and reordered them in chronologically order for building deeper and more intimate relationships. Here is the re-ordered mind-map:


1. Begins with Personal Integrity
Relationships are built on trust. Trust comes from integrity. What is integrity? You can get the details at 61 中孚 Integrity – Create Right Bonding (registration is required). In essence, integrity has the following characteristics according to iChing:

  1. is based on righteousness and honesty.
  2. does not give in to external pressure
  3. yet does not force its way on others and cross into others boundaries.
  4. always deliver according to one's best ability, within one's position authority and role.
  5. never over promise and under deliver. 
  6. Integrity does not mean one should not aim higher. One should always learn and develop oneself. However, integrity tells us to extend oneself only when one is ready and capable. 
2. Go out and Make Friend but Choose your friend carefully.
44 姤 Encounter – Handle It Well(registration is required) tells us to make friends. But choose those that are righteous with integrity. You can also choose friends that are different from you (with different interests, capabilities, cultures etc) but don't forget the 1st rule of righteousness. Friends should build you up rather than tear you down or lead you astray. Serving others is a good way to make friend. See also Encounter of “The End” Kind 44 姤 Encounter

3. Engage with Emotion besides Rationality.
31 咸 Affection – Engage Emotionally (registration is required) tell us to engage with our heart besides our mind. We need to be consistent and continue to build the relationship to the end.

4. Engaging according to our Roles - Upward and Downward.
08 比 Union – Relationship Building(registration is required)
Relationship building need not just be horizontal. We should build relationship upward with our elders and bosses and also downwards with our sub-ordinates, and younger people. Understand the relationship with respect to the positions of each other e.g. parent-child, leader-follower. The basis of relationship shall always be 'integrity'.

5. Same Heart for Team Work.
13 同人 Companionship – Same Hearts for Teamwork(registration is required) tell us to not to build any relationship based on blood-line but on the sameness of heart. True team work may start with some violent disagreements when all openly and truly share their opinions. But as long as the hearts, the conviction and belief are same, they will work it out in the long run and become a closely knitted top performing team. This is the true teamwork of righteous gentlemen. Lousy and low performing team are formed by members who are afraid to be transparent and work together superficially.

6. Family Kind of Relationship 
37 家人 Family – Harmony & Trust (registration is required). In a family, everyone plays his/her role well to sustain the harmony and growth of the family. Different roles but the same body. There are discipline and order but harmony is the key. The roles are all complementary and no one is dispensable.

7. Husband and Wife Kind of Lasting Oneness.
54 归妹Marriage – Build Long Term Partnership (registration is required). A lasting relationship is built with long-term investment. Doing your part irrespective of whether the other side does or does not his/her part. It is a 100%-100% covenant and not a 50%-50% contract. Of course, it begins with choosing the right partner based on character rather than appearance. It is worth the while to wait for the right person. It is better to check through the 1st six steps before you get involve, the step 7 of permanent relationship.

Follow this Series:
Previous:Control & Management Principles according to I-Ching
Next: Stage 1 Start-Up and The Guidelines from I-Ching

Lim Liat (c) 21 March 2012
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