Golden Rule For Human Influence & Communication - “Heart → Reason → Law”

All + All -

Golden Rule For

Human Influence & Communication.

 Heart → Reason → Law

以心入理而后立法

By Lim Liat 14-1-2026

• + - If you skip the Root (Heart) and go straight to the Branches (Reason/Law):
  • People become unreasonable and defensive [Zeng Shiqiang].
  • Praise becomes a weapon ("killing with flattery").
  • Leadership becomes "unspoken manipulation" rather than "professional handling".
• + - I: 以心 (The Heart - Earning the Right to Speak)

  Goal: Gain the "Listening Ears" through Concern, Respect, and Love.

  • + - 1: Giving "Face" (Respect)
    • Show utmost respect to those others ignore to earn their lifelong gratitude.
    • Speak well of enemies or rumor spreaders to preserve your own character and expose their small-mindedness.
    • Maintain a friend’s "face" by always paying for their services, recognizing their value.
  • + - 2: Psychological Safety (Concern)
    • "Set the Stage" by choosing private, neutral settings for difficult talks.
    • Take care of the quiet person in the corner during social gatherings.
    • Use "Pause and Reflect" to manage emotions so the listener doesn't feel threatened.
  • + - 3: Validation (Love/Empathy)
    • "Stay Curious" by asking open-ended questions about their world first.
    • State "I see where you're coming from" to lower their defenses.
    • Praise the elderly to acknowledge their value and memories.
• + - II: 入理 (The Reason - Persuasion and Logic)

  Goal: Transition from emotion to shared understanding and clarity.

  • + - 1: Clear Communication
    • Use specific examples instead of emotional generalizations.
    • Identify the "right person" for the task: use the financially needy for labor and the wealthy for planning.
    • Test truthfulness by asking about things you already know the answer to.
  • + - 2: Strategic Delegation
    • "Play dumb" and ask "How do you see this?" to force others to develop their own logic and solutions.
    • Test loyalty/critical thinking by giving an "absurd" instruction to see who blindy flatters vs. who advises.
  • + - 3: One-on-One Depth
    • Avoid group settings for deep influence; invite people individually to achieve true "heart-to-heart" (交心).
• + - III: 而后立法 (The Law - Establishing Rules and Results)

  Goal: Confirming accountability, shared interest, and sustainable outcomes.

  • + - 1: Shared Responsibility
    • "Collaborate on Solutions" so the "law" of the project belongs to both parties.
    • Assign full responsibility for results to those who designed the solution.
  • + - 2: Mutual Benefit (Sharing Profit)
    • Secure 98%–99% of people by combining "good speech" with "sharing profits" and specific benefits.
    • Use "temptation" to allow someone to leave a role voluntarily rather than forcing them out harshly.
  • + - 3: Finalizing the Bond
    • "End on a Positive Note" by summarizing takeaways and showing appreciation for their time.
    • Ensure all "debts" (financial or emotional) are settled clearly so the relationship remains healthy.

 

The mind map:

Influence is not persuasion — it is emotional safety first, cognitive alignment second, and structured agreement last.