Golden Rule For
Human Influence & Communication.
Heart → Reason → Law
以心入理而后立法
By Lim Liat 14-1-2026
- + - If you skip the Root (Heart) and go straight to the Branches (Reason/Law):
- People become unreasonable and defensive [Zeng Shiqiang].
- Praise becomes a weapon ("killing with flattery").
- Leadership becomes "unspoken manipulation" rather than "professional handling".
- + - I: 以心 (The Heart - Earning the Right to Speak)
Goal: Gain the "Listening Ears" through Concern, Respect, and Love.
- + - 1: Giving "Face" (Respect)
- Show utmost respect to those others ignore to earn their lifelong gratitude.
- Speak well of enemies or rumor spreaders to preserve your own character and expose their small-mindedness.
- Maintain a friend’s "face" by always paying for their services, recognizing their value.
- + - 2: Psychological Safety (Concern)
- "Set the Stage" by choosing private, neutral settings for difficult talks.
- Take care of the quiet person in the corner during social gatherings.
- Use "Pause and Reflect" to manage emotions so the listener doesn't feel threatened.
- + - 3: Validation (Love/Empathy)
- "Stay Curious" by asking open-ended questions about their world first.
- State "I see where you're coming from" to lower their defenses.
- Praise the elderly to acknowledge their value and memories.
- + - II: 入理 (The Reason - Persuasion and Logic)
Goal: Transition from emotion to shared understanding and clarity.
- + - 1: Clear Communication
- Use specific examples instead of emotional generalizations.
- Identify the "right person" for the task: use the financially needy for labor and the wealthy for planning.
- Test truthfulness by asking about things you already know the answer to.
- + - 2: Strategic Delegation
- "Play dumb" and ask "How do you see this?" to force others to develop their own logic and solutions.
- Test loyalty/critical thinking by giving an "absurd" instruction to see who blindy flatters vs. who advises.
- + - 3: One-on-One Depth
- Avoid group settings for deep influence; invite people individually to achieve true "heart-to-heart" (交心).
- + - III: 而后立法 (The Law - Establishing Rules and Results)
Goal: Confirming accountability, shared interest, and sustainable outcomes.
- + - 1: Shared Responsibility
- "Collaborate on Solutions" so the "law" of the project belongs to both parties.
- Assign full responsibility for results to those who designed the solution.
- + - 2: Mutual Benefit (Sharing Profit)
- Secure 98%–99% of people by combining "good speech" with "sharing profits" and specific benefits.
- Use "temptation" to allow someone to leave a role voluntarily rather than forcing them out harshly.
- + - 3: Finalizing the Bond
- "End on a Positive Note" by summarizing takeaways and showing appreciation for their time.
- Ensure all "debts" (financial or emotional) are settled clearly so the relationship remains healthy.
The mind map:
Influence is not persuasion — it is emotional safety first, cognitive alignment second, and structured agreement last.
